Put a large pan of salted water on to boil. Pour 2 tbsp vinegar into a large bowl. Stir in 1 tbsp caster sugar and 1 tsp salt. Use a vegetable peeler to peel thin ribbons off the cucumber. Peel down to the seeded middle, then thinly slice that. Put the cucumber in the bowl with the vinegar brine and stir to mix. Set aside to pickle. (These are your cukicles.)

Put 6 juniper berries and 1 tsp caraway seeds in a pestle and mortar. Peel and roughly chop the garlic. Add to the mortar. Finely grate in the lemon zest. Add a pinch of salt and pepper. Grind to a rough paste. No pestle and mortar? Put everything in a small bowl and mash with the bottom of a jam jar.

Squeeze in the juice from half the lemon. Put the pork steaks between 2 pieces of cling film. Bash with a rolling pin so they're roughly ½ cm thick. Put them in a large dish. Add the juniper paste and rub it into the steaks. Set aside to marinate.

Peel the potatoes and roughly chop them into pieces roughly the same size. When the water is boiling, add the potatoes. Keep the heat medium-high and simmer the potatoes for 20-25 mins till they're soft. You should be able to easily insert a skewer into the potatoes.

While the potatoes simmer, halve the cabbage and finely shred one half. Discard any really thick bits of the core.

Warm a frying pan over a high heat for 2 mins. Add 1 tbsp oil and the pork steaks. Fry for 3-4 mins till dark golden brown. Turn them over and fry for another 2-3 mins till the steaks are well browned and cooked all the way through. Slide them onto a warm plate. Cover with foil and leave to rest.

Add the cabbage to the frying pan with 2 tbsp water. Season. Pop on a lid. Cook for 4-5 mins till the cabbage is glossy and has softened a little. Take off the heat. Cover to keep warm.

Drain the potatoes. Tip them back into the pan. Add the butter. Season. Mash till smooth. Serve the steaks with the mash, cabbage and the pickled cucumbers.